Sounds kinda cool right!? Having an affliction for happiness. After all, happiness can be infectious!Don’t confuse the title with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) which is a label given to people who seem to not bend to the rules of what society accepts as proper focus and not making a scene (my words); ADAD is an idea I came up with years ago while experimenting with principles of the Law Of Attraction. (see ‘Does the Law Of Attraction work‘ for some tips on why, how and what works)
I am playing a bit on the known affliction with this term of course and I respect those who work with such people and get amazing results. I have to say here though regarding the ADHD disorder, that I feel such labels are sometimes an excuse to say “Hey, I don’t know how to handle you so I’m just going to label you as broken.”
Really!? I think we can do better than that.
The four keys to happiness and the Law Of Attraction:
All of the following keys are in effect ways to feel good. That is really THE key here. And feeling good is really the key to positive results with the Law Of Attraction and manifesting; not to mention being happy. So long as you ground that feeling with action of course. No action.., no traction!
If you take even one of these four ideas to its limit and really embrace what it means, then the other three will automatically be present and you will be ‘living by’ the basic principle that feeling good is the goal in itself. Anyway, you get there and stay there on a consistent basis is going to dramatically change your life for the better. Take all four and really embrace them and you will have multiple angles to the result of feeling good and leading a happy fulfilled life.
So what does ADAD stand for?
Acceptance – of what is.
Distraction – from what you don’t prefer.
Appreciation – of what you do prefer.
Detachment – from it needing to be any different.
Let us look at each one of these to define what I mean…
Stop fighting life:
“Listen! It is what it is! You can either fight with life and continue to lose, or you can let where you are – be ok, and move forward from there. Seriously.., if you’re spending time whining about your life, STOP IT!!!” Or I’ll sneak up behind you and slap you with a wet fish 🙂
Acceptance is being at cause rather than effect. In other words accepting that where you are is just that, where you are. It has no bearing on your future unless you choose it to be and more importantly, it is within your control to change it or at least, do the best you can with what you have. It’s about being respons-able (able to respond) for where you are.
You can’t change what you don’t own!
In a literal sense, it goes further than that. True acceptance is seeing everything as valid in some context. At the base of reality, to diverse into woo woo land for a second, lol; positive experience is integrating, expanding and including by nature while negative experience is segregating, contracting and excluding by nature. Other than that, they are just value judgements. To invalidate anything/make it wrong, is to give it energy that it doesn’t deserve. Have you heard the saying that what you resist persists?
In Law Of Attraction terms, and indeed in terms of feeling motivated to take action; focusing on something with anger or fear or any other negatively labelled emotion is just not useful.
When you accept something as ok; you allow the energy to flow and pass you by, which makes focusing on what you prefer easy.
To be clear; this isn’t accepting that you have to have this thing in your life that you don’t want. Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe in and say NO! This is accepting that it exists (and even has a right to), but that you prefer something else and are not going to give your energy to that unwanted thing any more than you have to to take inspired action.
Only by being ok with what is, do you have a true choice about what you prefer.
Anything less than totally being ok with “what is”, is not completely allowing yourself the power and ability to change it!
Denying where you are will only lead to more frustration and pain. Accept it as your situation to change.
Do something else.., anything else:
“Excuse me world; I’m just going to go over here and bliss out for a while. I’ll see you later.”
Distraction from what you don’t like or what makes you feel like crap can be used as an escape in the positive sense once acceptance is in place. You know where you are but just can’t seem to get any idea’s to change it. So this is where you do something that changes your state and makes you feel better.
Meditation is a common way to do this. When you meditate you disconnect from the often hectic world and thoughts and emerge feeling more calm and centred.
You don’t have to meditate to distract yourself, though. You can read a book, watch a movie, go for a walk, listen to music, or any number of things to feel better. The key here is to do something other than spending more time in a negative state. This and the following appreciation step are the most talked about in LOA (Law Of Attraction) circles. It’s about raising your vibrational frequency to a point where “inspired action” comes from. You can’t spend all your day taking action toward solving your problems without getting drawn into the negativity of them so have a few ways to take time for yourself and do something you enjoy. The resulting positive state will bring inspired idea’s to you that simply aren’t accessible when you’re feeling down.
Thoughts are energy too!
Good thoughts and ideas find it hard to find you when you are not feeling good.
I know this sounds like a chicken and egg question of what came first, but trust me; when you make decisions while feeling good, they have a higher chance of being good decisions! And when you make decisions while feeling bad, they have a higher chance of being bad decisions! Simple eh.
So take time and have idea’s in your mind of how you can distract yourself from what you don’t prefer in your life.
Be grateful for what you have:
“I love how good I feel when I walk in the park and see squirrels playing; squirrels are soo cool.”
‘Appreciation’ is the most talked about way to enjoy life and get the most out of the LOA.
It really is a no brainer. When you appreciate/are grateful for, the things you already have, you feel good about yourself and life. And in that state/vibration, you will tend to attract and notice more to be grateful for as well.
Live with an attitude of gratitude.
And this isn’t about finding huge things to be grateful for either. You can appreciate the small things too. Like that friend who makes you laugh; the sandwich you had for lunch; the trees and birds; being warm, dry and full of food!
Make appreciating the small stuff a habit and the big stuff will show up.
This last D of ADAD is where I believe many people fail in the LOA, manifesting, and in being consistently happy.
This really deserves it’s own article so I’m going to go into this in a bit more depth.
Let go of needing:
“Maybe that person I like will notice me.., maybe not; either way I’m going to have an awesome day!”
Detachment could be seen as similar in ways to acceptance, but with an understanding of the subtle differences, it becomes a powerful understanding in its own right.
Let’s get straight to the point here, if you need something to be true for you in order to be happy and fulfilled; you are holding that very thing away from you by thinking about it from a place of fear, powerlessness and doubt!
The quickest and most enjoyable way to have the life you want is to embrace the life you already have, and let go of it needing to be any different.
Buddhist teachers talk of attachment being the cause of all suffering. And I think that for the most part that is an accurate statement. Of course, it’s a stretch to say that someone going hungry is suffering because they have an attachment to food, but it is still valid.
From a purely feeling standpoint, needing something that you don’t have is like worrying about something only to find it doesn’t happen. You torture yourself in effect. Like the classic saying that ‘a coward dies a thousand deaths while the courageous person only once’.
This is about how you feel about what you want; how you resonate with it.
Like giving up, but happily:
How many times have you wanted something really badly, and gotten to the point of giving up; only to then have it happen almost like magic!?
Or what about when there’s something you want to get or someone you want to talk to; and you put it aside and forget about it, only to have it almost miraculously turn up or the person contacts you!
That’s what happens when you let go and detach from needing to get what you want.
What’s going on is that by giving up looking for what you want; the energy changes from feeling desperate and fearful that you won’t get what you want, to a feeling of peace with what is and faith that whatever turns up in the future will be perfect just as it is. You open your mind to what has in effect always been there. And boy does it feel good to stop constantly thinking about not having something.
Detachment doesn’t mean you let go of wanting, or become a quitter. Neither is it being resigned about life and down on yourself. Letting go of needing has a different feeling to it. It actually feels freeing and empowering. Like a weight has been lifted off you. If you think back on your life you can probably remember times when you have let go of needing something (or someone, lol) and how much better you felt because of it. Excitement and anticipation are still present with detachment; in fact, those feelings are MORE frequent because you are excited about WHATEVER happens not about what MUST happen.
A friend of mine and his partner were trying to get pregnant unsuccessfully for almost a year when they decided to stop trying and revisit the idea next year. Less than two weeks after they gave up, she was pregnant! Cool stuff like that happens all the time when you detach from needing what you want. It’s time to happily let go and let life bring you experiences and situations that make your current idea’s of joy look quite ordinary by comparison.
Can I really have what I want?
Life is not cruel; it does not dangle things in front of you that you can’t ever have (as long as it’s realistic for your lifetime).
You can’t imagine non-existence! So if you can imagine having it; you can manifest having it.
The Law Of Attraction, as I’ve talked about before, is always offering you want you want. You just have to get out of the way and stop holding what you want at bay by feeling frustrated and hopeless. Remember this is just vibrational physics. Magic stuff will happen, but it’s really not about magic. It’s about being in the state of mind of already having what you want. And the state of mind of already having what you want, is a state of mind where you feel good! Good feelings attract good things.
You CAN have what you want. You need to understand though that thinking about what you want while feeling bad about not having it, is not going to do it!
And you need to release the details of how you get what you want and exactly what it looks like. It may be far better than you imagine and have ways of getting to you that you haven’t thought of.
It’s about trusting your power:
Attachment is about fear, doubt, frustration and unworthiness. It’s powerlessness. Someone or something outside of you is in control of what you get and have.
Detachment is about trust, choice, preference and self-respect. It’s a feeling of commonality for what you want. It’s no big thing; you’ll have it if it serves your greater good.
You create your life as it is whether you like to believe that fact or not. Needing some external validation to tell you that, is giving over your power as a creator to those that do believe they are in control.
And here’s the irony.., The more you let go of control; the more control you have!
When you want something from a place of need, you are in effect saying to the universe “give me what I want even though I’m holding myself away from it vibrationally by focusing on the lack of it”. With attachment to a specific result, you are attempting to micro-manage the process of creation while doubting your ability to create it. What a raw deal that is!
And it’s worth mentioning here also, don’t confuse love with attachment to your partner! They are not the same thing. Strain on the relationship will most likely be the result of feeling that you NEED your partner in order to feel complete (which is what I’m meaning by this use of attachment).
Detachment as a way of life:
Detachment from a goal or outcome feels kind of like this (sitting down to watch a game on tv) – “I want the red team to win.., but if the blue team wins, that’s ok too; either way it’s going to be a great game and I’m going to enjoy it. I mean don’t get me wrong, if the red team scores, popcorn’s gonna fly. But the excitement of the game is what I’m looking forward to”.
If you want more money, it could be loving your job and doing it well just because it’s fun to do so. You know in the back of your mind that you may get promoted because of it one day but that’s not the focus.
So detached goals are having a preference while being fine if something else happens or even if things stay as they are. And by doing so, ironically you get far more of what you want because you’re offering no resistance to it.
Bottom line here; detachment is an attitude!
Using the four keys:
“I keep losing my keys.., why do I need four of them”. Lol.
You may have noticed already how fully embracing even one of these four keys naturally brings the other three with it. Just take one and run with it if that’s what excites you!
Can you really fully live in acceptance of life without doing things you enjoy (distraction), thinking and talking about how you enjoy them (appreciation), and not worrying about the future (detachment)? The same applies to each of the four keys but requires a deep level of understanding that comes easier by focusing on all four as a set.
Make each of these four keys to happiness and the LOA part of your daily focus, and you approach the result of feeling good from multiple angles. Do that and you will be amazed at how things change for you.
Go easy on yourself. Be prepared to accept (remember the first key) some things may take time to change.
These four keys are ways of living more than they are techniques to practice. There are of course techniques and processes to help you along the way though.
Ok; you get what detachment is now. Time to foster it. You’re really going to like this next process.., read on..
The detached anticipation process:
Yeah but, HOW DO I DETACH???
Good question! Aren’t you a smart cookie for asking.
Acceptance I can work on you say.
Distraction sounds like fun; I can meditate or play some sport or listen to music etc.
‘Appreciation’ – I can work on to; I can write lists and look for things during the day to smile at and be grateful for.
But seriously! I can’t stop wanting what I want!
There are enough articles out there saying what to do without how to do it.., give me something Lance, I hear you say. Lol.
So like I said; embracing the other three keys will automatically lead to detachment but let’s do something specific.
So this process combines two NLP processes (anchoring and future pacing) with meditation. I suggest you choose one particular thing you want to detach from to do this with at first until you get used to it. As you get used to doing it, you can repeat it with each new thing individually or even do multiple things at once.
BTW; this process is about far more than detaching. It will set up an attitude moving forward if used more than just a few times.
Now chillax about the meditation part ok. Even if you’re totally new to it, ten minutes of meditating or less is all that’s needed for you to get started.
The first step here is to find and anchor an example of excitement/anticipation.
I have written about how to create an anchor and what one is here (‘Anchoring yourself to a happy life‘). My suggestion with all processes is to read them right through first so you know the intention, then do them. So keep reading till the end, then click on the link, create an anchor and continue. It’s really easy and fun.
For this process anchor the following – remember a time when you had that feeling of excitement and or anticipation about something that you knew was going to be good but didn’t know what it was. In other words, this is an example of detached excitement. A few classic examples of this are just before opening a present that you have no idea about; going on a holiday with someone without planning the details; going on a blind date (unless you were nervous, lol); or any other time where you were just excited and happy to be about to discover something. Go ahead and anchor that and then continue…
So now that you have excited anticipation anchored, here’s the deal; find a comfy chair or bed (bear in mind on a bed you may be more likely to fall asleep) and focus on your breathing. If you already meditate then you can add these extra steps to your normal meditation.
That’s all you need to do to meditate, just observe your breath in and out. If your mind wanders away from doing that then when you notice it has, just bring it back to focusing on the breath again (no failure here; just persistence and acceptance). Don’t worry about the time; just start with the intention of it being about ten minutes and your mind will do the rest. How often do you wake up just before your alarm clock goes off? Your mind knows how to time itself.
The aim with meditation is to quiet the mind from the normal chaos of thoughts the consume your attention. In other words, meditation helps you disconnect/detach from what is and therefore, allow more freely other ideas thoughts and manifestations in. So focus on letting go and relaxing as you observe your breath.
Once you have done what feels about ten minutes or whatever you need or like to do to feel more calm and removed from the thoughts of your normal living day than normal, then you are ready to use your anchor. You’ll know when you feel calm enough, and let that ‘in the moment’ realisation be your guide as to when to do the next step.
Stay in the same still position and maintain as much as possible the calm feeling you have from meditation and casually ‘fire’ your anchor for excited anticipation.
Now as you feel that feeling blend with the calmness you have already you will feel a new type of feeling developing.., a calm excitement/anticipation. It may sound impossible for excitement to be also calm but you will feel the difference and that’s what’s important. Its excitement that feels centred and accepting of whatever happens and that type of excitement is immune to external pressure when practised.
The final step now is while maintaining that new feeling within you; imagine 3 or more times in the future a situation where it’s possible you could get what you want (the thing you’re detaching from) and imagine two variables for each time; one where you DO actually get it, and one where you don’t but then look forward with calm, detached anticipation to another time.
IE: What you are doing is imagining feeling this detached anticipation in the future whether you get your goal/result or not! Because in reality you never stop having a next goal or focus do you.
For example, if I wanted to detach from the neediness around money, I could imagine seeing myself in the future with a big bank balance while feeling calmly excited about my financial future; and I could imagine seeing myself with my current level of bank balance and feeling calmly excited about my financial future.
Get the idea?
Remember; when you DO get what you want, it’s just as important to not feel attached to it even then. The harder you hold on to something, the more it wants to escape. Just try smothering a partner by holding on to their attention too tightly and see what happens!
Money is energy as well. It will treat you well if you let it flow. Energy trapped cannot expand!
Once you’ve done this 3 times or more, allow yourself to gently come back to awareness and start the rest of your day feeling like this. What a way to start, or go to sleep, depending on when you do this process.
Have fun with this.
You owe it to yourself to relax about your future regardless of what comes. And by doing so, you will attract and notice things with a growing momentum that excites the hell out of you.