“What if you stopped trying to stop doing something, and started doing something else”
“WAGGLE (Verb) – Like a wiggle, but with the added joygasm of a puppy” (Lol – imagine people sharing that on FB)
“You have to let go of trying, and embrace doing”
“What!?” I hear you think…
“Are you saying stop trying?”
“Yes,” I respond.
“Are you crazy?”
“But persistence is the key to success is it not?”
“OK, now I’m confused.”
“Good; Let’s start from there. It’s a much more useful place to learn something new from.”
Trying sucks doesn’t it? Haven’t you tried for long enough? How’s it working out for you?
Do you really think that the best way to get something is to keep trying the same old s**t again and again while expecting that this time it will miraculously work?
Isn’t that the very definition of futility?
And is it not also a bit silly to expect that doing something that up till now has added to your frustration at not getting what you want, and is therefore now part of your mental state and vibration (see Does the Law Of Attraction work), is going to suddenly align the stars and cause puppy dogs and rainbows to grace your every step as you joyously achieve your dreams?
Side note: Puppy dogs are one of lifes antidotes to acting like a miserable dickhead.
What if you stopped trying to stop doing something and started doing something else?
I’m going to give you a simple way of stopping by starting. I know that sounds weird but bear with me. I’ve just admitted to being crazy remember…
Stop trying to stop:
So yeah it makes sense to not do the same things and expect a different outcome.
And yes it also makes sense to be in a positive feeling state when doing any sort of personal development individually or in groups; both at an emotional and vibrational level as understood in the understandings of quantum mechanics and the Law Of Attraction. And that giving up wanting something from a place of feeling the lack of it is surprisingly effective at showing you the way to actually get it after all.
Remember the basic understanding, that you cannot experience that which you are not the vibrational or emotional equivalent of; and giving up feeling bad about something not being there is the first step in giving space for the positive feeling of having it.
You have to let go of the pain to feel the pleasure!
And from a basic mental conditioning standpoint; any time spent thinking about the past, present or future while feeling negative is time spent programming yourself to feel that way more.
But what about actually stopping the problem behaviour or state of mind.
This is where giving up trying to stop becomes interesting.
Some Habitual habits and problems just seem to be out of control to the extent that no matter what you do, they persist or get worse. So stop trying to stop. They are out of control because you have given control of them over to the unconscious part of your mind. The same part of your mind that you rely on to pull your hand away from a hot object or duck when a pigeon trying to look tough to his pigeon girlfriend flies toward your head. 🙂
It’s doing it’s job.., but it’s doing more than it should because you have given it that task by default.
The best way to stop a problem is to start it:
Yes, that’s right. Unconscious habits are unconscious because you don’t do them consciously anymore. They became an unconscious skill! Note the way I said that. They are a skill. The only reason they are called habits is because the skill part has been given over to the automatic part of the brain and it does it better than you can consciously do the process of ‘not habit’. In other words; the unconscious mind is in this instance more powerful than you are to change it (you being the part that desires to change it).
So what can you do to reverse this power struggle?
Simple; you can reverse the process that started the habit in the first place, by making the habit back into a conscious skill! Then as a skill, you get to choose whether to do it or not and can turn it on or off at will. And my guess is you’ll choose to turn it off. You will still have the option to do the problem, though; and that’s important.
Too many people think that you have to get rid of a problem. The truth is that change happens when you build or practice new more productive options that you unconsciously choose instead.
(Neurologically, you can make electrical pathways in the brain weak to the point of being obsolete by not using them, but you will very rarely actually get ‘rid of’ a problem behaviour or thought. Instead, you build by practice or process new neural pathways that lead to a preferred result. And being that the mind naturally moves toward more pleasure, the new pathway becomes the strong one and therefore the new habit).
The first step in reversing this habit process is to choose them consciously.
Yes, I’m asking you to do the problem more.., not less.
So to change a habit back into a skill, you need to start the habit on purpose…
The prescribe the symptom process:
This is actually really easy, and can be a lot of fun. In fact, you will find that this process gets you to look rather humorously or with an element of silliness at your problems which is one of the ways it works. Three main things are happening when you do this; dissociating (distancing) yourself from the problem, introducing humour and/or a sense of ridiculousness toward the problem, and turning it into a skill that you can turn on and off at will.
You can do this with most action habits and pretty much all emotional ones.
Let’s take something like getting angry as an example. Schedule 3 or 4 times tomorrow that you are going to purposely get angry for 5 minutes. You may want to do this in private, lol. Having an understanding pillow to hand can be useful to hit or yell into so you don’t get the cops knocking on the door. Now you HAVE TO keep raging for the whole 5 minutes OK!? I mean full on going for it for the whole time; no stopping! Even make it worse than it usually is. Make it extreme (See Visualisation and the law of attraction for how this works). It will get weird and you’ll start to run out of steam but keep going! Use a stopwatch or countdown alarm if you like. Once you hit 5 minutes.., stop! Immediately, just stop and you’re done for that session. Then go back to your normal day and state of mind. Tip: If you find (and this is rare but possible) that it takes you more than a dozen or two seconds to shake off the practised state and go back to your day; try either shortening or lengthening the time you do it. Usually, that would mean longer for something externally focused like anger or shorter for something internally focused like depression.
The reason for this is that typically we already spend long periods of time in our heads building emotional strength like depression while by comparison we typically spend much shorter periods of time externalizing emotion or acting on it like anger. We want to do the opposite in this process.
The same neural pathways in the brain will be firing as you do this purposely, as would be firing if you were doing it out of habit; with the difference now being that you are controlling them instead of them controlling you. Get the idea!? You are re-wiring the existing neural circuit by adding control.
This is really effective but so simple that people discount it and ignore it. Don’t be one of those people! If while doing this process, you find yourself habitually doing the unwanted behaviour outside of your planned times; that’s fine, just smile knowingly to yourself and make sure you still keep to your scheduled appointments!
You mean, being depressed on purpose will help me not be depressed!?
By consciously doing a habitual pattern and even doing it worse than it is you put it back into your control. And at the same time; when you amplify a feeling or habit upwards, you teach the brain by association and contrast that you can also de-amplify it downwards. So it has a double positive effect.
You can prescribe yourself times to be stressed, times to cry, times to worry, times to bite your nails, times to clench your teeth, times to lie in bed and stay awake as long as you can (for insomnia), times to waggle your bum in public (erm.., yeah whatever)… the options are endless.
[Waggle (verb) – like a wiggle but with more unbridled joygasm puppy dog qualities]
Some habits may have better ways of approaching them like with smoking; where the time variable would need to be long enough for quite a few cigarettes to be consumed in a space of time for you to get sick of them (probably literally); so use your discretion as to what is appropriate. Not saying it wouldn’t work there; it does. But there are better ways for that sort of thing.
Pick an amount of time for your skill practice, 5 minutes is pretty good for most things. You will find after a few days or weeks (gauge for yourself by how you feel and how your behaviour changes) that it will become stupid and annoying to do the behaviour rather than familiar and automatic. And viola; your brain will get the message that this is now a choice, not a problem. And by then your brain will also have the skill to take a feeling up OR down at will. A VERY, VERY useful skill to have!
Have fun with this as always.
I have to go now.., it’s time for my scheduled drooling over a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream session…